Rachel Getting Married

Another favorite movie of mine, though not one that I would watch a second time, is called Rachel Getting Married.  It is a little independent flick starring Anne Hathaway as "Kym," the sister of "Rachel," who, as the title suggests, is getting married. 

Anne Hathaway is brilliant as a recovering drug addict struggling with coming to terms with a past family tragedy.  I cannot divulge the tragedy as it is one of the finer moments in the movie - when the audience is finally let in on the dark and tragic family secret.  It is fascinating to watch how the various family members have learned to cope (or not) with the shame and the guilt and the loss.  Debra Winger, who plays the mother, is particularly sinister, though hides behind an austere of concern, as I imagine many mothers do.  What to say and think about a child, now grown, that you don't like?  And what is the audience to feel about a mother that is unlikable?  It is a wonderfully different vantage point of mothers and daughters - one that is not often explored in film.  But the hard stuff is not thrown in your face in this movie - like it is done in so many others.  It is slowly and artfully revealed to allow the audience time to digest how an event from so long ago still profoundly affects each family member.

I also love the music in the movie.  The score was written by a Palestinian musician, which gives it a refreshing Arab vibe.  Tunde Adebimpe, who plays Rachel's betrothed and is also a real life musician, sings a beautiful rendition of Neil Young's "Unknown Legend" as part of the wedding vows.  I think I cried throughout the entire song.  It is so moving to see his love for Rachel and reminds us how love really can save a person from living a life otherwise stuck in tragedy.  Rachel has given herself permission to love and be loved despite all the family secrets swirling around her.  And that love is intoxicating to be a part of.  Here is a link to that scene:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi7mmLtIixw

I also like how the camera pans the room to provide a glimpse into the guests' reaction to the song.  My favorite glimpse is a side view of Anne Hathaway, with her eyes looking glazed over, and choking back tears.  You are left to wonder if she is happy for her sister, as you hope her to be, or feeling sorry for herself, as she most likely is.  Again the flaws of the characters are subtly though powerfully revealed.  Kym is selfish.  Even at her own sister's wedding she is thinking primarily of herself - what her life lacks is abundantly made clear.  And we feel sorry for Kym because she cannot let go of the tragedy.  She is stuck.  And maybe always will be.  And we hope for her to find peace.

 

So, it is tragic, uplifting, haunting, and in the end, a very human film.  Happy watching.  Until next time, SAHM.

The Church of Pho

Two things me and my husband agree on are:  (1) we love to eat the Vietnamese soup called Pho and (2) we are not fond of church on Sundays.  We decided to start our own religious tradition called "The Church of Pho."  Since our son was a newborn, we have spent many a Sunday morning dining at Le's Pho, which is located at 4925 North Broadway.  We start with the shrimp spring rolls (divine!) and then we each get an order of "Number 1," which is the beef version of pho.  So so so so so good!!!!!!!  The broth is light yet flavorful.  The noodles are cooked to perfection.  The thin slices of beef are tender and moist.  I love to add some lime, basil leaves, and bean sprouts to it as well (this comes on the side as part of the meal).  If you have never tried pho, head to Le's.  You won't be disappointed.  It is the best pho in the city as far as I am concerned.  Here is a picture of my bowl of pho, prior to adding the accoutrements.

 

As Rachel Ray would say, "Yummo!"  (Does anyone else find her slightly annoying????)  Happy slurping!  Until next time, SAHM.



Do Mean Girls Graduate Into Mean Moms?

As I traipse through this jungle of a world called motherhood, there are certain things I have catalogued along the way that I want to write about.  One is what I call the "Mean Mom Phenomenon."  What is that, you ask?  It is a disturbing trend that I have witnessed across all income brackets, all ethnicities, and women of varying mental health statuses.  It is women who exhibit mean behavior, both outward and passive aggressively, especially in relation to their husbands/partners, other moms, and other mom's children. 

Remember this movie? 

For example, when I get together with other women for a fun girls' night out, the last thing I want to hear is you bitching about your sucky ass husband and what a sucky ass job he is doing at (insert your own experience here) providing for the family, parenting, house chores, etc., etc., etc.  Even worse is when these women say these things IN FRONT of their children.  I mean, what are they thinking?  That this is a good parenting technique?  That the children should learn sooner rather than later that men, including and most importantly their own father, SUCK?!!!!  WTF!!!!!  It is not cool to bash the kids' father!  NOT COOL.  If you don't  have anything nice to say about the man YOU CHOSE to procreate with, then refrain refrain refrain.  Grow up.  The children need to know that you and their father are a united front in raising them.  Not that it is you and the children against him.  I want to ask these women, "Have you not matured from the mean girl you once were in high school?"  Mean girls create clicks where you are either in or you are out.  And mean girls talk shit about EVERYONE!  So, you better be "in" with the mean girl or, watch  out, you WILL suffer her wrath!  In the mean mom scenario, the father becomes the "out" click and the mean mom pits herself and the children against him.  And these women wonder why their husbands leave them.........

 

Another example of the mean mom phenomenon is when a mean mom gathers a group of unassuming mothers, let's say at the playground, and starts a monologue about a child or children (of a mother who is not present) that she deems unacceptable.  The reason for the singling out is not important.  Rather, it is the mean mom's need to, once again, shit talk.  But this time it is an innocent child she has chosen as her victim, and of course, the other victim is the mother of the child that has miserably failed at her job of parenting.  According to mean mom anyway.  The purpose of this behavior, I have deduced, is to passive aggressively bolster the mean mom's own parenting by dichotemizing the singled out child's "bad behavior" from her own children's "good behavior."  Thus, convincing all in her kingdom that she is TOP MOM and everyone should listen to her and worship her.  Can you say, narcissism?

 

So, my point, you ask?  I guess it is to give other moms a heads up.  When you hear or see this behavior, move far away.  FAR AWAY.  Have nothing to do with this woman.  You can be polite, of course.  But, don't let her into your life.

 

The thing that is so crazy is that, in high school, the mean girl really isn't liked, she is feared.  She thinks she is popular, but really she isn't.  Maybe that is the case with mean moms, too.  Feared by their husbands and feared by their children.  Anyways, bottom line is parenting is tough stuff.  Moms need each other.  We need to be able to be real and talk about our challenges and our fears and, yes, our failures.  We don't need to waste our precious time and energy on husband bashing, shit talking, and making ourselves seem as though we are the perfect parent.   

 

Until next time, SAHM! 

 

Our First Foster Dog!

As mentioned in a prior post, I prefer dogs to people.  Really and truly.  I also wanted to start volunteering again. So, I combined the two and started fostering dogs for Anti-Cruelty. Here he is, our first foster, Peewee.

 

Peewee lived with us for a few weeks until he was old enough to be adopted.  How friggin' CUTE is he?!!!!!  He was soooo much fun to have in our house but also a LOT of work.  With three dogs (two of which are puppies) and two kids and a husband who travels, my hands were full.  It was worth it, though.  I got to expel some of my motherly need for another baby (yes, my husband said no to a third - boo hoo) and the kids learned what it means to  "foster."  Fostering means to provide a temporary, safe home for an animal with the full intention of returning the animal in order for him to find his forever home.  Fostering isn't for everyone.  A ton of people asked me how in the world I was going to give Peewee back.  Well, it isn't like I didn't think about this dilemma before I took on the task.  I knew it was going to be hard.  I knew we would get attached and I knew it would be painful to return him.  But that is all part of the lesson and the experience.  We are giving our hearts and our home, fully and completely, and then letting go.  And we will do it again.  And again.  And again.  As I said, I prefer dogs to people.  So they are always welcome in my home!!!  Until next time, SAHM!

 

Guest Blog Piece on Parenting

A friend asked me to write a piece about parenting for his blog. The piece is entitled, "The Stay-at-Home Mom."  I love love love the picture he posted along with it! Check it out at:

                         www.theweekbehind.com

Until next time, SAHM!

Diggin' the New Disney

As a mother of a young daughter, I have been subject to countless replays of the Disney movie, "Frozen."  I am sure many parents can relate to the constant singing and singing and, yes, more singing of the cute (but sometimes annoying) songs from the movie.

 

That being said, I am diggin' the new sound of Disney.  The lyrics, the melodies, the absolute knockout talent behind the vocals (Idina Menzel from, inter alia (sorry...but the legal-eze sometimes still slips out), RENT and Wicked, and the surprising vocals of Kristen Bell, whom I know best from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (though she didn't sing in that movie, check it out for a great male (for once) full frontal!).  The song that I prefer (well, it DID win an Oscar) and the song that I think best represents Disney's shift from its shameless portrayal of girls and women as needy, helpless, and wanting only for "true love" to the much better message relayed in "Let It Go."  Here are some of the lyrics and a link to the song:

 

I don't care what they're going to say. . . .

 

It's funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can't get to me at all

 

It's time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I'm free. . . .

 

Here I stand

And here I'll stay

Let the storm rage on. . . .

 

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Let it go, let it go

That perfect girl is gone

 

Here I stand

In the light of day

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=frozen+let+it+go&FORM=VIRE1#view=detail&mid=09E292F1C4A7F338CBA509E292F1C4A7F338CBA5

The song "Let It Go" espouses the values that I want to teach my daughter:

• that you can be your real self - not some "perfect" version prescribed to you
• that you don't have to answer to anyone about who you choose to be
• let them talk about you - just don't listen to it
• stand your ground despite great challenges and pressures
• don't let what other people think or say about you define what you think of yourself
• look to the people you love to help you become the person that you want to be
• surround yourself with postive people - and if there are none out there, you are your biggest advocate and closest friend
• LOVE YOURSELF (just not too much!)

So, even though it is tedious and hair-raising to watch movies over and over and over again that your children love (just be thankful it is not ELMO or CAILLOU anymore!), I give "Frozen" the thumbs up.  Other great songs include "Fixer Upper" ("everyone is a fixer upper" - isn't that a great way to teach our kids about imperfection and all of its benefits??!).  So much to teach and so little time.

 

Until next time, SAHM.

 



Fulfilling a Promise I Made to Myself

Several years ago I made a promise to myself that, when ready for another dog, I would adopt a senior dog.  I remember reading one of those cheesy Chicken Soup for the Soul books and the only entry that stuck with me went something like this:  Adopt a senior dog and let them live out their final years basking in the sunlight streaming through your windows and snoozing away the hours on your couch. 

Dogs, large dogs at least, are considered senior by age 7, and most dogs that size live to around 13- years-old.  Even at age 7, really only half way through their life cycle, shelter dogs are doomed.  Nobody wants those guys and gals.  They either waste away in a nasty no-kill shelter or are euthanized for no other reason than reaching middle age.  That sucks.  Especially when there are plenty of people with love to give these animals.  They don't take much time and energy (as opposed to puppies whom EVERYBODY wants - now that is a time suck!).  They just sleep, eat, and poop.  Occassionally they may enjoy a nice walk. 

So, here is the senior pup we invited into our lives:

 

His name is Toby and he is an 8-and-one-half-year-old coonhound.  He was surrendered by two previous owners for no good reason and left to die in a shelter.  He actually looks much better in these photos than when we got him because these were taken when he first arrived.  After four months in a cage, he was covered in shit and a bag of bones (not because they didn't feed him but because he was so stressed out he refused to eat).  After a good grooming and some TLC at home, I am sure that Toby will make a full recovery.  His eyes are already brighter and he is digging his head into my lap for pets.  I fulfilled my promise to myself.  I think me and Toby both win on this one. 

If I inspired you to adopt a senior pet, yeah!!!!  Run out there to your local shelter and scoop one up - guaranteed there won't be a line :(  Until next time, SAHM.

Latest Favorite "Tune-age"

One thing I like most about practicing Core Power Sculpt Yoga (check it out - massive workout!) is the music I am exposed to.  Every instructor has their own style and taste, so I have listened to a lot of good, and some not so good, "tune-age," as I like to say.  The worst had to be a song from some awful musical - some screeching lady singing about gosh knows what.  Anyways, I decided to share with y'all some of my favorites.  In no particular order, here they are:

•             Imogen Heap, "Hide and Seek 2"  

                      http://youtu.be/bZ3QvWeJCJI

•             Passenger, "Let Her Go"

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA

 Although I was familiar with this song prior to the Super Bowl, it was used in THE CUTEST commercial for Budweiser.  Here is the link for that:                                

                          

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQB7QRyF4p4

•             India Arie, "Promises" 

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35e0T6Koh2U

•             Matisyahu, "One Day" 

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRmBChQjZPs

•             Meg Hutchinson, "Seeing Stars" 

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xODb39DFudE

•             Damien Rice, "Delicate" 

                     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnL3NfhOsBM

    Happy Listening!  Until next time, SAHM.

Update on Biggie the Big Baby

A few months back, I posted about a GIANT dog that my friend Maureen rescued from local gangbangers.  By the way, his gangbanger name was "Hitler."  Can you believe that??? It sort of leaves you speechless......  On a brighter note, Biggie found a forever home, and recently, Maureen received an update on how he is doing.  He is doing GREAT!!!!  He is living with a nice couple and they are expecting their first baby.  Luckily, the dog is wonderfully sweet with babies so it looks like it is the perfect fit.  Biggie is now "Henry," a much more distinguished name for one lucky dog.  Here is a picture of Henry with his new owners:

Look at that smile on his face.  Yes, Henry, you are one lucky dog.  Happy times to you all!  Until next time, SAHM.

 

One of My Top Five Movies

Perhaps because I have been in a reflective mood lately, but I cannot stop thinking about one of my favorite movies, "Junebug."

Never heard of it?  Do yourself a favor and watch it.  It is SUCH a great film, for so many reasons.  It was the movie that discovered for the world a magnificent talent, Amy Adams. She gives a daring performance - one of the best crying scenes I have ever seen.  I won't give away the reason for her grief, but it is palpable. It cast one of my favorite actors (Alessandro Nivola - also in another favorite movie, "Laurel Canyon.")  He has a beautiful singing voice, which the director brilliantly highlights in the following scene:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO6RwS3BBu8

I love how the camera slowly pans around the room, giving you a look at the churchgoers reactions to the hymn.  It is fascinating to see how his wife (played by little known Embeth Davidtz) reacts to his singing - her acting in this scene is so subtle but so powerful.  I love how her body is turned toward the singing, shielding her reaction from the family and allowing the audience to feel as though they are getting a secret glimpse into her relationship with her husband.  How well does she really know him?  It is also poignant to watch his mother's (played by Celia Weston) reaction - it reminds me of how I feel about church music.  I am transported to another time, another place.  Finally, my favorite line of the movie is within Amy Adams' wrenching monologue - "You know what?  I'm cravin' some nuts."  It reminds us that within tragedy, there is still humor.  I think I'll watch that hymn scene again - it soothes me.  Until next time, SAHM.    

Saying Goodbye to Marley, Part Two

Part of saying goodbye to a loved one is moving forward with life.  Yes, life goes on.  As mine did.  It was just too dang quiet, though.  I missed the thump, thump, thump of Marley's tail every time I walked through the door.  Every time the doorbell rang I listened for his bark - silence.  So, I decided to open my mind to the thought of getting another dog - just looking for now.  And I am a shelter dog gal, so off to the shelters I went.  Tip, don't go to a shelter if you are just "looking."  You WILL end up with a pooch because they are needy and lovable and cute, and did I say, needy???  After about two weeks of looking (I did take my time - that is serious time for me!), we brought home 3-month-old "Carrie" and quickly renamed her "Scout." For those who question, "Scout?  For a girl dog?," please read the book To Kill a Mockingbird and then come to the realization that Scout ROCKS as a kickass girl's name!  All we know about Scout is that she came from Tennessee and landed in Chicago's Anti-Cruelty shelter (she is buggin' me right now - nudging my hand to pet and pet and pet her :) ).  They described her as a shepherd mix but this dog is a hound - for sure.  Nose into everything, lots of dog "talking," shorter hair.  Here are a few shots of her:

 

 

We just love her to pieces.  She fills the silence.  She brings life into forward motion again. And, in finding Scout, I have also found a new calling.  I am going to start volunteering with the Anti-Cruelty Society.  I always knew I preferred dogs to people...... Anyways, in final homage to my dearest Marley (as this post is about him), I quote one of my favorite authors, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Just gotta love that Dr. Seuss.  I think of Marley today, running up there in doggie heaven with all of my former dogs, and I smile - he is happy, he is safe, he is loved.