"Strong Mind, Strong Body, Strong Self"

Sorry for the very long absence.  Much has changed in my life - for the good.  I started working part-time for The Anti-Cruelty Society as a Humane Educator.  "What is that?"  you ask.  I teach people (pre-k on up) about what it means to live a humane life.  My favorite aspect of the job is running an after school program that focuses on anti-violence.  We use the concept of violence against animals as it relates to human-directed violence and take it from there - covering topics such as bullying, teen dating violence, domestic violence, gang/drug/gun issues, etc. (I have recently resigned from this job due to our decision to move to Philadelphia!  Change is good!)

Anyways, on to the topic of the day, "Strong Mind, Strong Body, Strong Self."  I took this shot at my daughter's gymnastics class.  It spoke to me.  I  have always been an athlete as well as a scholar.  I try hard to strike a balance when planning activities for my children so that they exercise their little brains as well as their little bodies.  Now, here is where I digress.  I am not proud of this behavior, but, alas, what's done is done.  I recently trolled on the internet for various people in my past.  Amongst the most upsetting find (why do I do this to myself??!!!) was discovering who my college ex-boyfriend married.  "Why should I care who he married?" you ask.  Well, it isn't that I necessarily "care," in the sense of being jealous or envious.  None of those emotions occurred inside my heart.  Rather, I felt duped.  "Really, this is who he ended up with?"  To be fair, I am sure that she is probably a very nice person.  But what I found out was this:  (1) she was a nurse but quit to become a beautician, as it was a life long dream; (2) she draws on her eyebrows, as well as wears full makeup, nails painted, and hair impeccable ALL OF THE TIME; (3) she took her newborn from, what must be straight from the hospital, to a professional photo shoot; (4) she does not exercise; (5) she takes endless selfies and posts them, even in a bikini (she is super dooper skinny); (6) she created a Meetup group entitled, "Happily Married Couples;" and (7) she never mentions anything about her ethnicity, which I can only guess is philippino, or the fact that her daughter is half phillipino.

 

Okay, don't judge me for judging.  Ha ha - what a hypocrite.  Again, what is so upsetting?  I guess it is that I thought I knew this guy - what he valued, what he was passionate about, what he found attractive.  I  mean I dated him for almost my entire college stint.  And, finding out about his wife...... well, it shocked me.  Perhaps he changed, but regardless, it left me feeling like I was duped - that I never knew this man and that the qualities that I embody and the things that are most important to me, ultimately, he was never attracted to.  He needed a prettier package, which to him means full makeup, nails polished, and hair perfect ALL OF THE TIME.  Anyone who knows me knows that I didn't even know how to put on makeup until I was forced to when I became a lawyer. I wear my hair in messy buns and ponytails because it is just easier that way.  I bite my nails.  I like to have muscles and a strong body because it makes me feel powerful as a woman.  I like being a lawyer, an intellectually challenging job.  I love being part of an ethnically diverse family.  I could go on, but don't worry, I won't.

 

So, what I learned in the end is that I am glad that I didn't end up with him - neither of us would have been right for each other.  And I like who I am.  And I found a man who likes me (loves me even!) just the way I am - brainy, muscles, messy hair and all!  And that feels good. 

 

Until next time, SAHM.

 

The Refusal to Apologize: A Female Epidemic

So, after a long hiatus from blogging, I have decided to return with a topic that continues to mystify me - why some women absolutely refuse to apologize. Won't do it. Won't do it.  And don't bother waiting for it if you are on the receiving end.  It ain't happening. 

 

Why, why, why do I trouble my mind with such quibbles.  I guess, recently, life hasn't let me turn away from the question. I MUST face it.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!  Frankly, I can't stand some of this female bullshit. Anyways, without adieu, into the abyss I go......

 

Without naming names, in the last several years, a few women from my past have reached out to me, perhaps, to reconnect?  Naively, that is what I assumed.  Both of these women had done several things to really hurt my feelings - I mean, they could have won awards for their atrocious behaviors - and both of them had stopped talking to me many many moons ago.  I moved on.  I let go of the friendship and any hope of actually receiving an apology for their hurtful actions.  I assumed that, as Maya Angelou espouses, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."  These women had shown me their true colors - that they were selfish and narcissistic, unable to take responsibility for their own behavior, and believing they were above reproach.  Who needs a friend like that?  There are so many other fish in the sea.  And I have never had trouble making friends.  So, I moved on and really forgot much, if not all, about them. 

 

Then, as a result of my parents appearing on several news outlets, some folks from my past reached out to me to say, "Wow!"  Sparing you the conversational details, neither of the women offered any sort of apology - for their past behavior, for their ending the friendship without explanation, or even (as I call it, the weanie apology because it allows someone to apologize without REALLY apologizing) for hurting my feelings (i.e. "I am so sorry for making you feel that way.  It really wasn't my intention at all.  Blah blah blah.").  They both spoke to me as if nothing had transpired and that our friendship should just pick up where it had abruptly left off.  WTF???  Are you f-ing kidding me???  Why in the world would I choose to be friends with you...AGAIN??!!  And how dare they contact me and expect me to just "take it" - to take their lack of remorse; hell their complete lack of acknowledgment.  What kind of people do this?  Oh, that's right, the narcissistic and selfish kind.  Been there, done that.  Don't need that in my life.  Moving on, once again.  Only this time, I said my piece.  I gave them an opportunity to explain themselves and to have an honest conversation about what happened.  (In my head, "I  mean, I did hear about your wedding and realized that my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail, right?"  Weddings are overrated, anyways.)  Back to the topic at hand.  As expected, neither of the women responded in the way that a friend would.  They became both defensive and dismissive within the same breath.  And, of course, neither apologized - not even the weanie apology.

 

Moving on, moving on.  A mantra in my life.  A therapist once told me that the more people you choose to know, the more loss you will feel.  And, I did feel great loss with these friendships.  But I don't regret having them.  My heart is at peace with that loss.  I use what I have learned to be a "better picker," as an old friend once said.  And with that, a big, heartfelt thank you to all of my goddess lady friends who lift me up and hold me high!  I love you and thank you for coming into my life!
 

JUST A FEW OF MANY AWESOME WOMEN IN MY LIFE!

Me and my gal pal, Kara,
at a Bulls game!

Me and my gal pal, Nikki,
on a sunny Chicago day!

    Until next time, SAHM.