Sorry for the very long absence. Much has changed in my life - for the good. I started working part-time for The Anti-Cruelty Society as a Humane Educator. "What is that?" you ask. I teach people (pre-k on up) about what it means to live a humane life. My favorite aspect of the job is running an after school program that focuses on anti-violence. We use the concept of violence against animals as it relates to human-directed violence and take it from there - covering topics such as bullying, teen dating violence, domestic violence, gang/drug/gun issues, etc. (I have recently resigned from this job due to our decision to move to Philadelphia! Change is good!)
Anyways, on to the topic of the day, "Strong Mind, Strong Body, Strong Self." I took this shot at my daughter's gymnastics class. It spoke to me. I have always been an athlete as well as a scholar. I try hard to strike a balance when planning activities for my children so that they exercise their little brains as well as their little bodies. Now, here is where I digress. I am not proud of this behavior, but, alas, what's done is done. I recently trolled on the internet for various people in my past. Amongst the most upsetting find (why do I do this to myself??!!!) was discovering who my college ex-boyfriend married. "Why should I care who he married?" you ask. Well, it isn't that I necessarily "care," in the sense of being jealous or envious. None of those emotions occurred inside my heart. Rather, I felt duped. "Really, this is who he ended up with?" To be fair, I am sure that she is probably a very nice person. But what I found out was this: (1) she was a nurse but quit to become a beautician, as it was a life long dream; (2) she draws on her eyebrows, as well as wears full makeup, nails painted, and hair impeccable ALL OF THE TIME; (3) she took her newborn from, what must be straight from the hospital, to a professional photo shoot; (4) she does not exercise; (5) she takes endless selfies and posts them, even in a bikini (she is super dooper skinny); (6) she created a Meetup group entitled, "Happily Married Couples;" and (7) she never mentions anything about her ethnicity, which I can only guess is philippino, or the fact that her daughter is half phillipino.
Okay, don't judge me for judging. Ha ha - what a hypocrite. Again, what is so upsetting? I guess it is that I thought I knew this guy - what he valued, what he was passionate about, what he found attractive. I mean I dated him for almost my entire college stint. And, finding out about his wife...... well, it shocked me. Perhaps he changed, but regardless, it left me feeling like I was duped - that I never knew this man and that the qualities that I embody and the things that are most important to me, ultimately, he was never attracted to. He needed a prettier package, which to him means full makeup, nails polished, and hair perfect ALL OF THE TIME. Anyone who knows me knows that I didn't even know how to put on makeup until I was forced to when I became a lawyer. I wear my hair in messy buns and ponytails because it is just easier that way. I bite my nails. I like to have muscles and a strong body because it makes me feel powerful as a woman. I like being a lawyer, an intellectually challenging job. I love being part of an ethnically diverse family. I could go on, but don't worry, I won't.
So, what I learned in the end is that I am glad that I didn't end up with him - neither of us would have been right for each other. And I like who I am. And I found a man who likes me (loves me even!) just the way I am - brainy, muscles, messy hair and all! And that feels good.
Until next time, SAHM.
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